The Original Heartbreakers
This modern dating pool is much different than the one my parents grew up in; with apps like Tinder, Grindr, Bumble, and more come new forms of communication, but also new forms of potential heartbreak. Ever wonder why that guy you connected with on Tinder never texted you back? You’ll find out as I break down my opinion of the 5 types of heartbreakers.
As someone who is gender fluid and pansexual, these types of heartbreakers are not gender-specific. It’s important to know that everyone is somewhat capable of doing a little heartbreaking. (My Scorpio rising can attest to that.)
The first type of heartbreaker is The Baggage Claim: this heartbreaker continuously brings up an ex of the past and in doing so
self-sabotages their own relationships by ghosting their new lovers. They tend to only stick to flings, but when they do find someone to capture their heart it’ll only last a moment before they remember that one ex that ruined everything. Don’t you just hate that one kid in class who ruins the pizza party for everyone? Here’s my unsolicited advice to these types of heartbreakers: hurt people hurt people so move the F on.
The second type of heartbreaker is The Revolving Door: you’ve heard of an adrenaline junky, but what about the individualistic junky? This person thinks the world and everyone in it revolves around them. They're paying so much attention to themselves that they probably couldn’t remember your name even if you told them two minutes ago. I wish this was an exaggeration, but some people have such an inflated ego; others don’t even realize it until after they are dumped. The revolving door will gaslight and manipulate you into thinking you’re not doing enough for them and really they just want more attention. And the moment you’re moving on, they somehow make their way back into your life!
Following up to the revolving door is the heartbreaker who thinks they can do no wrong. The third type of heartbreaker is The Estella. Named after Charles Dickson’s Great Expectations character, we’ve all encountered a bit of friend-zoning in our time. The Estella is that person who you’ve fallen madly in love with and no matter how many times you show them your loyalty, they’ll continuously friend zone you.
Some people think the worst it can get is being friend-zoned, but I think our fourth heartbreaker, The No Strings, takes the cake for pettiness and overall heartbreaker antics. The No Strings person does everything with you that a normal couple would: go on dates, late-night talks, and even sexual intimacy at times. So, what’s the big deal about this heartbreaker? The problem is that they’ll treat you like a significant other but will not give your relationship a title. To make matters worse, there is no type of exclusivity in it all. So, when you see that person’s Snapchat story and they're doing the exact same thing they did with you last weekend with someone else, you’re not supposed to be mad? News flash: YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY BE MAD AND SHOULD BE TREATED BETTER!
And last, but not least, the ultimate heartbreaker of heartbreakers: The Bold and the Brave. The bold and the brave are the heartbreakers who know exactly what they are and couldn’t care less about their actions. They tend to date multiple people at once, never completely commit to any of the people involved, and show no signs of honesty. They’re the heartbreaker that many have warned you about and few have ever survived. It’s not our fault, we’ve all fallen for this type. (It’s something about the unattainable notion that we cannot get enough of.) And if we’re being honest, the sex is out of this world! So, which one of these heartbreakers has entranced you once or twice?
Moore, Lane. “10 Types of Heartbreak Every Twentysomething Goes Through.” Cosmopolitan. Cosmopolitan,
July 18, 2017, “1. The Ghost Breakup”.
Har+new, “3 Reasons Why THE ‘Heartbroken Becomes The Heartbreaker’ Cycle Needs to Stop!,” Futuristically
Yours, April 10, 2018, “Because it makes you close-minded”.
Njeri Dean, “The Type Of Heartbreaker He Is, By Zodiac Sign,” Your Tango, August 15, 2018, “7. LIBRA
(September 23 - October 22)”
Zoë Triska, “17 Book Characters Who Are TOTAL Heartbreakers,” HuffPost, December 7, 2017, “Estella
Havisham from Charles Dickens’s Great Expectations”
Sam Beltran, “7 Kinds OF Heartbreakers,” When In Manila, November 16, 2015, “6. The bubble”
Sam Beltran, “7 Kinds OF Heartbreakers,” When In Manila, November 16, 2015, “5. The classic jerk”